1. Finding a partner can indeed make you happier, but you don’t have to be miserable whilst you’re single.

No matter if you prefer monogamy, polyamory, or other relationship structures, you can learn to appreciate life today. Yes, a relationship can make you happier, but you don’t have to be miserable until that happens. Learn to live in the present, cultivate joy, and practise gratitude for the other good things going on in your life. Even the little things can make life beautiful. Good coffee tastes just as good whether you’re partnered (or not).

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2. Self-awareness is the key to happiness.

It’s not being single that’s making you upset. It's the stories you tell yourself about being single that is making you miserable. Failed romantic connections can trigger negative  thoughts, which can lead you to spiral into a cycle of self-doubt and shame. Observe the way you speak to yourself about being single. Is it kind? Or are you constantly shaming yourself about past mistakes, and are you stuck in regret? Gain greater self-awareness of your thoughts, and then show yourself compassion.

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3. Being single is not an incomplete state of being.

Society suggests we’re incomplete if we’re not in a relationship. But know that it is perfectly valid to not want a relationship. Some of us prefer solitude, or the company of our friends and family. And some might prefer casual connections. That's okay. Our lives are not wholly defined by romance. But be sure that you are honest with yourself on what you actually want in life, and that you're not choosing to be single because you're subconsciously hiding away from connecting with others due to your fear of intimacy or rejection.

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4. Growing up queer can be a very lonely experience. Therapy can help.

Unlike our straight and cis friends, many of us grew up feeling unsafe and unable to openly explore our romantic desires. We might have had to hide our queerness for fear of bullying or being shamed. These earlier experiences can negatively affect the way we form attachments and think about relationships. We might get triggered without realising so. But we are now functional adults with the capacity to learn from our past. Therapy can help us learn and unpack our own emotional history so we can better learn to love ourselves and hence love others.

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“Being Happily Single” is one of the guided therapy programs available in our private beta.

Designed with leading psychotherapists, Voda combines mindfulness with cognitive behavioural therapy to develop digital therapy programs centred for the LGBTQIA+ community.

Gain early access at Voda.co.

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